


Fuck The Ackermans

by justkillthetitan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Cussing, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I mean fuck the ackermans but in other context you know?, M/M, Not Beta Read, a lot of bad languages, a lot of shits ans fucks, bad teachers, don't be like this teacher, don't expect something great, mikasa/eren is just frienship okay? Dont come at me, slight mention of transphobia, the eruri is not implied cuz I love them, the kenny/uri is implied you can choose what happens, this is my excuse to say shit and fuck as much as I want, this is not that good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:18:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkillthetitan/pseuds/justkillthetitan
Summary: Three words:Fuck the Ackermans.Or the fic that no one ask for and that you shouldn't read. The one where an angry old teacher spends 1.7K words complaining about the Ackermans. You're welcome.





	Fuck The Ackermans

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for grammar errors, English isn't my first language!

Mister Connor is a professor. That's a lie. He is a teacher. An unemployed teacher. A teacher who used to intimidate high schoolers in the hallways, and a teacher that won "The Most Hated Teacher Of The Year" award. 

He hates a lot of things. He hates high schoolers, fellow teachers, the staff, the janitor, the Board of Education (specifically its president), he hates gay people, dress-up people, immigrants, poor people. He is just not a nice person.

From all his years being an employed teacher, Mister Connor has come across multiple events and personalities. Some left bigger impressions than the others. Some were more unpleasant than others. He has many, but on this melancholic night drinking a shit ton of beer and drowning on self-pity, Mister Connor can only remember three individuals, all wearing the same last name, who made his life in school the very peak of hell.

The Ackermans.

Through all his years working in the same public school, five different individual wore that damn last name but only three managed to made his head speed up the process of getting bold.

The first demon had been Kenny Ackerman. 

Fuck that guy.

Tall has a tree with lanky, awkward legs thanks to puberty, Kenny Ackerman had been a hell of a student to have. He was an idiot, a douchebag, and an asshole.

He was loud, his existence a big joke, and everything was a laughing matter to him. He probably laughs at funerals. (Mister Connor wouldn't be surprise).

No homework? He laugh. Detention? He laugh. A punch in the face? The little shit was good at punching people back. 

Kenny made his classes difficult. Always chatting, always throwing a snarky comment. And that damn hat. A fucking cowboy hat. 

Who the fuck wears that to high school? They weren't even in Texas for fuck's sake! The walking little shit was not even American to begin with. (Mister Connor didn't even know if he was legal which annoyed him way too much). 

For all he knows, Kenny was a frenchman who had lived most of his years in a farmhouse in a "bullshit place in France" (Ackerman 2). (From one of his essays). He had moved to America for some fucking reason that didn't matter. (Mister Connor had discover that Bitch-Laughing-Ackerman was now a wanted criminal by the FBI). (Good fucking damn it. He had told everyone that he was going to end up being a criminal! God only knows what happened to his sister Kutchel who was an average student but didn't help shit).

For a year and a half Mister Connor had to stop himself from strangling Ackerman in class. He had to put up with Ackerman's shitty cowboy hat, idiotic brain, and detentions skips.

That was until Uri-Motherfucker-Reiss transferred schools.

Mister Connor slammed his beer against the table. 

Good fucking damn it.

Uri-Motherfucker-Reiss had been his salvation from committing murder. The smaller shit had control over Ackerman that no one had before, like a fucking pony. With his presence around, Kenny became more civilized-human-like. Almost like a person. Tall lanky legs and shit tongue became submissive to someone who had the height of a gnome.

They were close (or maybe Kenny was always around little shit blonde), but thank fuck now he can stop insulting God inside his head. That little bitch was the thing Kenny needed to shut the fuck up. 

And now, Uri is a wanted FBI criminal too. He never predicted that.

Mister Connor was fucking greatful for what Reiss did. Until he started to notice that god dammit fucking Jesus, were they gay?

Shit. Shit. Shit.

They better not spread their queerness around his classroom or the school! Mister Connor wasn't sure about it (Reiss didn’t dressed like a girl and Kenny never wore pink) but he was positive that they did gay shit to each other. Two man never go to the restroom together. Never.

Nonetheless, they had never do their gay shit around him. Thank you Jesus. So he had suck up his tongue to keep his job.

But even then, Kenny founded ways to make his head spinned and his sugar levels to go up. 

Next year, when Mister Connor wasn’t Ackerman’s teacher anymore, the tall shit still founded many ways to attempt him into murder him. With idiotic messages spread around the class, Mister Connor was more than ready to kill a bitch right than.

But everything was just petty high school load of bullshit that he couldn’t either prove that it was Ackerman that had done it, nor he wanted to waste his time trying to find a way to trap him. 

He had shit to do. 

That was until Kenny decided to level up on his last year of high school. Mister Connor never regretted so hard not owning a gun at that time. 

What had Kenny do? Fucking motherfucker son a bitch faggoty idiotic stupid bitch had taped polaroids of a very naked Mister Connor. Not in his classroom, not in the cafeteria, but in the main, most trafficated hallways in the school. 

Mister Connor had never been so humiliated in his life until that day. He had never wanted to burn a son of a bitch as much as he did then.

The next little Ackerman to come had been Levi Ackerman.

Fuck the universe.

Levi had moved from France to America. (What a fucking original story). (Once again Mister Connor wasn't sure if he was legal or not which bothered him). Motherfucker was quiet with a resting bitch face and as tall as a toddler.

He didn't smile or laugh like a normal person. No, he always had a scowl on his fucking face and talked about shit. Literally. He had an endless bank of shit jokes that he would slapped Mister Connor on the face with when he talked.

Levi did turn in his homework and assignments. And although he wasn't the best from his students, he proved to have a less idiotic brain then Kenny did.

But he was still good at punching and talking back when mister Connor called on him, or gave him a scowl of disappointment. (Yes he had a bit of a grudge against Kenny, and he was trying to take his revenge on Levi).

Over all, he wasn't the worst compare to Kenny.

He gave him extra work and low notes on purpose because fuck it he could, and he would. Levi had called on his bullshit but the more he did, the worst his notes got which made him shut the fuck up easily.

Then the little shit had decided to spread shit on his car. Mister Connor hadn't been able to prove it was him but he fucking knew it.

They started to have a war against each other. Mister Connor would lower his grades, and his property would suffer the touch of shitty substances.

They both were too invested and obsessed on winning that neither even though of giving up.

Until Smith came along.

Shitty german, nazi-looking bitch Smith. In less than a week he had figure out their little petty war. Instead of informing the principal like any normal fucking person, Smith did something else. 

Little Smith befriended Levi Ackerman.

And what happened next? He had lost a war against the little shit.

Mister Connor was convinced that it had been Smith who plotted the plan, and Levi had been the one to provide the things needed and to set it up.

The feeling of shit on your almost bald head is very unpleasant. (At least they didn't humiliated him in public like Kenny did).

After that Mister Connor increase Levi's grade and their idiotic war ended. For the rest of the his years, Levi kept to himself ignoring Mister Connor, something that Kenny didn't. Levi kept along with his friends, glued to Smith's sides and fucking shit, were they gay too?

Fucking gayness runs in their family or do they turn each other gay?

Whatever, Smith and Ackerman graduated and for all he knows they live together in a penthouse ten times better than his home.

Sometimes gay little shits do their shit together.

Last but not least, the Ackerman that almost made him commit suicide, Mikasa Ackerman.

What a bitch.

By herself, she wasn't that bad. She had normal, functionable facial expressions for what he could see. She smiled and frown a humanly normal amount of times. She wasn't loud, and always turn in her homework. (After the incident with Levi, Mister Connor had decided to drop any grudges in case the new Ackerman was worse than Levi).

What she fuck up in was her friend choices. Unlike the other two Ackermans, Mikasa didn't need another bitch to calm her down or control her. She had enough self control. But she fucked up on her friend choices.

No he wasn't talking about Ackerman’s friend Are-All-Blondes-Related-Arlert. He was talking about I-Can-Talk-For-A-Hundred-Elephants-Jaeger.

Fuck that kid.

He was loud, stupid, and was the definition of useless when it comes to english. (Bitch you are living him America get rid of your german-nazi accent). He tended to be late to class, loud, and just stupidly interrupting. With time had become one of, if not, Mister Connor’s most hated students.

And he let him know.

Jaeger’s english skills weren't half bad but they weren't great either. This only worked on Mister Connor’s side since he could put Jaeger out of class and insult him in the best shakespearean way he could muse.

His error? Shit would run to his friends demanding what those words meant, bitch Ackerman didn't like that.

And what were the end results? A fucking sixteen year old Ackerman had threatened him with the Board of Education.

Fuck her.

To say the last, in a few weeks the president of the BOE showed up. He wasn't going to let another Ackerman humiliate him, and so he put up a dignifying fight. Fuck it.

He had lost his job at the end of the week because of course a role model student such as Mikasa, and backed up by fucking blondie, would get him fire. Fuck minorities.

Fucking foreigners. (At least she didn't seem to be a lesbian. Yet).

Fuck the Ackermans. Each and every single one of those shits. Fuck Kenny Ackerman. Fuck Levi Ackerman. Fuck Mikasa Ackerman.

He damn that family from Kenny’s father for not using a condom, to Kutchel for having sex, to Mikasa’s father who didn't thought better of his life choices.

Fuck them all.

Fuck the Ackermans.


End file.
